Michigan's Stupak, a tea party target, is retiring
Rep. Bart Stupak, an anti-abortion Democrat targeted for defeat by tea party activists for his crucial role in securing House approval of the health care overhaul, said Friday he would retire from Congress this year.
In a press release, Democratic Representative Bart Stupak announced his retirement from politics.
His statement in part said that he was tired of all the hookers, drugs, bribes and mistresses. He is tired of government paid junkets and vacations around the world while pretending to work. He is tired of all the other fringe benefits that are a part of the day to day political life (but can't be mentioned in a public announcement).
However, he will also miss being able to negatively impact his constituents and the whole country. He went on to say that after helping pass the Health Care Deform bill, any other bill to restrict freedom and destroy the economy of the United States will be anticlimactic. Therefore he can leave office knowing that there is nothing left that anyone can do to fix the problems he is leaving and thus his legacy is secure.
And like all the recent democratic politicians, he also stated that he was not afraid of losing his bid for reelection. That the massive unrest among the majority of the public has nothing to do with his recent decision to leave politics.
He mentioned something about missing someone he regularly used to have sex with. It wasn't a mistress or housekeeper or a hooker, or an intern, but someone you don't have to pay to have sex with. Someone you have kids with. Oh yeah. His wife.
The onion.com was quoted as saying that if I "ever attempt to write a humorous article again, they will have my literary license revoked."
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