Politicians Hypocritical Oath Of Office

I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:

I will disrespect the hard-won scientific gains of those economists and statesmen in whose steps I walk, and gladly obfuscate such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

I will apply, for the benefit of the politicians, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of logical thinking and respect for the law.

I will remember that there is art to politics as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding never outweighs the the need to show arrogance and contempt to the citizens.

I will be ashamed to say "I know not," nor will I call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a full assessment of the law.

I will disrespect the privacy of my constituents, for their problems are not my problems and anyone who bribes me deserves privileged access to private information. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great arrogance and awareness of my own infallibility. Above all, I must not play at Obama (although I may emulate Obama).

I will remember that I do not treat a citizen, but I treat with special interest groups who wish to affect every person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes none of these related problems, if I am to care adequately for myself and my henchmen and minions.

I will prevent freedom whenever I can, for socialism is preferable to freedom.

I will remember that I remain above the members of society, with special obligations to no one except myself and cronies, those sound of large cash contributions as well as smaller contributions.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of accepting bribes from those who seek my help.

I swear to tell the lie, the whole lie, and nothing but the lie, so help me Obama.