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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Authorities In Colorado Consider Actions Against Hero.

http://www.latimes.com/kdvr-benke-shooting-022310,0,1205879.story
Shooting: Math teacher's heroics likely saved lives

The local law enforcement infrastructure in Littleton, Colorado were very upset to find out that a gun wielding killer was disarmed by an unarmed victim.

A law enforcement official (who refused to be named) stated that "There is a reason why private gun ownership is banned. When a victim is unarmed, he is less likely to protect himself. A victim who won't protect himself is more likely to need the police state. This provides full employment for police state. So, even though the math teacher didn't use a gun to defend himself, his actions in defending himself and the students at his school were still highly inappropriate. At best, the math teacher may have saved a few inconsequential lives. At worst, he may have provided a focal point for victims who believe they should have the right to defend themselves."

The unnamed law enforcement official went on to say "The math teacher probably didn't warn the alleged shooter before attacking him. The math teacher probably didn't read the alleged shooter his rights. The math teacher probably may have even hurt the alleged shooter, a clear violation of the alleged shooters civil rights. The unprovoked attack by an unarmed victim on an alleged shooter may even provide grounds for the alleged shooter to sue the math teacher."

A nameless A.C.L.U. (American Communist Leftists United) spokeshole stated that "While the math teacher didn't use a gun to protect himself, we are none the less in agreement with the police state. We believe the math teacher should be censured for protecting himself and his students. The 31st amendment to the constitution clearly states that no individual has the right to protect themselves from any threat, public or private."

The onion.com was quoted as saying that if I "ever attempt to write a humorous article again, they will have my literary license revoked."

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